Frances Bean Cobain reflected on the death of her father, Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain, on the 30th anniversary of his death, in a heart-wrenching post shared to Instagram, Friday.
Kurt was found dead by suicide in his Seattle home, April 5, 1994, at the age of 27. He was survived by his wife, Courtney Love, and Frances, who was just a 20-month-old baby at the time of his passing.
“I wish I could’ve known my Dad,” Frances wrote in the lengthy caption of her post. “I wish I knew the cadence of his voice, how he liked his coffee or the way it felt to be tucked in after a bedtime story. I always wondered if he would’ve caught tadpoles with me during the muggy Washington summers, or if he smelled of Camel Lights & strawberry nesquik (his favorites, I’ve been told).”
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Frances posted a series of images in an intimate family photo gallery. Her grief was evident as she poured out her feelings as she marked the somber anniversary.
“30 years ago my dad’s life ended. The 2nd & 3rd photo capture the last time we were together while he was still alive,” she wrote.
“His mom Wendy would often press my hands to her cheeks & say, with a lulling sadness, “you have his hands”. She would breathe them in as if it were her only chance to hold him just a little bit closer, frozen in time. I hope she’s holding his hands wherever they are,” Frances said.
Losing her legendary father during her infancy took a toll on Frances.
“In the last 30 years my ideas around loss have been in a continuous state of metamorphosing. The biggest lesson learned through grieving for almost as long as I’ve been conscious, is that it serves a purpose. The duality of life & death, pain & joy, yin & yang, need to exist along side each other or none of this would have any meaning,” she said.
The only child of one of the greatest forces in music history explained how she made peace with the deep loss of her father.
“It is the impermanent nature of human existence which throws us into the depths of our most authentic lives. As It turns out, there is no greater motivation for leaning into loving awareness than knowing everything ends.”
Speaking of her legendary dad, she said, “He gifted me a lesson in death that can only come through the LIVED experience of losing someone. It’s the gift of knowing for certain, when we love ourselves & those around us with compassion, with openness, with grace, the more meaningful our time here inherently becomes.”
Frances shared a line from a letter Kurt wrote to her before she was even born. The last line read, “wherever you go or wherever I go, I will always be with you.” (RELATED: Nirvana Releasing 30th Anniversary Album With Previously Unreleased Songs)
“He kept this promise because he is present in so many ways. Whether it’s by hearing a song or through the hands we share, in those moments I get to spend a little time with my dad & he feels transcendent. ✨,” she wrote.